I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
