My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
