apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
