This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
