I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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