Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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