The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
