Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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