New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.