I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I sprained my soul last night
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD