So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?