im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
