somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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