new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
