i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
