I think my fart just growled at me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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