he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
