Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?