the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE