so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did we just second hand smoke crack?