Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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