I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
