I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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