Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Randomize
