I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
