when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
