brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
