Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
