just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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