I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
