Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
