i would punch a child for taco bell
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
