I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
