well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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