I'm drive I can fine osifer
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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