I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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