you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
