On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
