Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
