Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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