Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
