Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
