She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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