You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
soo... how was my night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
