I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
