Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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