I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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