I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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