can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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