fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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