Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
