I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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