im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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