Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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