Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
