Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
