She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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