Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
