cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
