If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
