I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
