Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I look better un-naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize