Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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