dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
