I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
